Beauty (Sleep) and the Beast

It was the husband’s Christmas party last night at a well-known local ski centre with real snow.  I told him to book a taxi a good couple of hours before he needed to go, this being traditionally the most popular weekend for said parties but no, he left it until 10 minutes beforehand and was then told there was a two-hour wait.  I couldn’t take him because (a) I had ordered takeaway pizza for the boy and me which was due to arrive any moment, (b) I managed to pull a muscle in my back with all the coughing I’m doing and couldn’t actually move let alone drive a car, and (c) I couldn’t be bothered.  Luckily for him his dad was available at short notice or he’d have had a rather long walk.

The boy and I watched a couple of cheesy films, ate pizza and drank fizzy drinks before the boy passed out at about 9.30pm and I put him in our bed to sleep  as is our ritual when the husband is out for the night.  I then indulged in white wine, Payne’s Mint Poppets (from the boy’s treat tub – don’t tell him) and Magic Mike which was, it has to be said, the best part of rubbish.  I went to bed at around midnight, read for a bit and then dozed off.  I slept fitfully as I always do with a small child who writhes and sleeps like a starfish all night.  However, I didn’t hear the husband get home at all so I must have slept ok at some point.

This morning I was rather rudely awakened by the boy at 7am.  Why does he never want to get up at 7am in the week but is quite happy to bounce around on my bed at that ungodly hour at the weekend?  He clearly needed the loo as he was doing the wee wiggle but refused to go and instead grabbed my phone and started playing Angry Birds very loudly.  Now I was fully awake whether I liked it or not.

I heard a noise on the landing and went to investigate.

There was the husband, still fully clothed in his “party wear” (read: shirt and jeans, hardly any effort) stood aimlessly swaying gently in the boy’s bedroom.  The conversation followed thusly:

Me:  Have you only just got home?
Him: Huh?
Me: Have you only just got home?
Him: Huh?
Me: What time did you get in?
Him: Huh?
Me: Are you very drunk?
Him: Huh?
Me: Have you been asleep downstairs?
Him: Huh?
Me: FFS stop saying huh to everything!
Him: I’M NOT SAYING HUH TO ANYTHING!
Me: So what time did you get in?
Him: Huh?
Me: Argh!

At this point I gave up on him and sleep and took the boy downstairs where we’ve watched Back to the Future I and II and I’m ready for a nap and it’s not even 10am yet!

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